I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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