respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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