Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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