yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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