apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm bleeding and have questions
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
