We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
