My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
