Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
