There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
