Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
