When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
