is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
