Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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