did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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