loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
