I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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