Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
