I just threw up on my dentist
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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