i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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