I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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