I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
