Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
