Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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