I just threw up on my dentist
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
