Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love having hate sex.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
