She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Shame is for Republicans.
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