Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
