i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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