Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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