i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
