whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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