Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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