And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
