So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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