i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
