a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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