i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
