White coat. Heels.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
