Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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