I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
