I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
