Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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