Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
