why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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