somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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