btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
