Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
