come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
