So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
