The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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