Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
